Monthly Archives: November 2013
Guys have the “Bro Code”, an all encompassing set of rules that suggest how one ought to govern himself in the dealings of a friendship. But…..what about women? Shouldn’t we have standards that we abide by when it comes to lines that we can and cannot cross too? A set of clear-cut requirements that we must maintain? Of course we should. Trust me, I’ve been burned enough by “friends” to know that not everyone has their eyes tuned to see the proverbial lines drawn in the sand. So, to clear things up, I thought of a few and made them plainer.
1) Don’t make it a point to make her feel/look like a tool in front of the opposite sex. Not okay.
Not only do you make her look bad…..you make YOU look bad…..and extremely insecure on top of it. Usually this is a sign that you’re intimidated by someone’s shine – afraid that, when in their presence, your splendor will go unnoticed.
2) It’s not okay to date her ex! Not even the ones she didn’t sleep with!
Who cares that she said it’s over and she never wants to see him again? Who cares if he’s the one pursuing you? Who cares that she’s moved on and is way happier with Boyfriend #2 than she ever was with “what’s his face”. All of these facts are beside the point if at any time she considered this man to be HERS! I don’t care if it was long distance, short-term, high school……doesn’t matter. The bottom line? There are soooooo many other men out there that she hasn’t had her pretty little manicured fingers on. GO GET YOU ONE OF THEM! This will save so much stress and heartache in the end. Think about the possibilities – you could lose a good friend over a fleeting relationship; old feelings could begin to stir if they’re forced to be around each other more thanks to you, resulting in an inevitable hook up; you could end up losing other friends in your circle who think that your disloyal! Just…..no. Bad idea.
3) Don’t get into the habit of only telling her what she wants to hear all the time.
Who else will tell it like it is if not you? That’s one thing people get twisted. As friends, we’re not obligated to say things that will make our comrades feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside all the time. Sometimes, a friend needs the cold, hard truth – and nine times out of ten we’re the only ones who know them well enough to give it. I look at it this way, eventually someone will tell (insert made up name here) that her dress is tucked in her panties. Better to be the informant than the bystander accused of letting her make a fool of herself.
4) Keep her secrets like you’d keep your own.
It’s kind of an honor when someone trusts you with intimate bits of information. Don’t screw it up by blabbing it to anyone who’ll listen. Be better than that. Be honored that someone actually thinks you’re trustworthy and loyal enough to hold their reputation in your hands. There’re very few things as hurtful as finding out that someone you thought you could trust stabbed you in the back.
5) Gas her up!
Jealousy has no place in a healthy relationship – including friendships. Learn to be proud of her accomplishments instead of getting down about those milestones that you haven’t quite reached just yet. Let her achievements be your motivation, not a breeding ground for resentment. She just bought a new car and you can’t even get a ten-speed? Don’t sweat it. Tell her how great she looks behind the wheel and ask for the number of her debt counselor. She met the man of her dreams and has plans to wed as soon as the snow thaws, meanwhile you can’t even get the mailman to flirt back? Awesome! Go with her to pick out bridesmaids dresses that are sure to help you find your new boo at the reception. My point is, don’t rain on her parade simply because yours was a bust. If she’s got something you’re trying to attain, find out what it takes to make things happen for you too. All the while, being conscious of letting her know how proud you are of her and that she doesn’t have a bigger cheerleader than you.
An excerpt from ‘Red Sun’, a stand-alone novel written by yours truly, Raven St. Pierre, now available for electronic download on Amazon –
“She had no clue that I had any sort of feelings for Jolon, and she’d be pissed when and if she ever found out. Not to mention how she’d feel if she knew that I accomplished what she’d tried to the night before. Although Jolon had initiated our encounter, I became just as guilty when I willingly went along with his plan.”
– Example of why you should get your own dog-gone man! Drama….
Love At First Sight?
I suppose the best place to start would be to ask what your definition of love is. For you is it that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach whenever you think that person’s name? Is it knowing that he/she accepts you just the way you are? Is it being able to sit in a room and exist peacefully together without having to say a word? Is it flowers and candy and expensive dates?
Everyone’s perception of love is different, making it difficult to define or classify. But still, whatever your definition is, do you believe that two people can meet one day and fall in love, REAL love, without really knowing one another? I do.
To me, love is relative – situational. In other words, it may take an act of God to make you fall in love or stay in love with the man on the left, but the man on the right can do everything wrong and still have your love and devotion. That kind of touches on what I mean. That same factor that makes you differentiate your feelings from one individual to the next could also cause you to fall for someone sooner than usual – whatever the “usual” may be for you. But why? Is it science – pheromones and symmetry and all that jazz? Or is it something more mystical and spiritual than that? Fate? Kismet even? There’s no way to tell, but I do know that I believe in it. I myself have fallen victim to this sort of captivation. And no, it has nothing to do with a person’s physical appearance or status or anything like that. Sometimes a person just has that…..special something that grabs you and holds you prisoner.
So what happens when this feeling hits you and you’re already in a relationship? This is a situation that arises in a couple of my novels, including one of the two that I recently published. Do you leave the one you’re with and follow your heart? Or do you go in the direction that your moral compass is leading you? Tough call. At any rate, love is meant to be enjoyed and shared. Don’t let it become the source of your misery. If it does, you might want to reevaluate and figure out if what you THINK is love is really another emotion cloaked in love’s innocence. Beware.
On that note, I’ll leave you with food for thought: In the situation I just mentioned above, if you stay put and possibly let the love of your life get away, does that make you a martyr? Are you essentially sacrificing your own happiness for the happiness of another?
An excerpt from ‘Gravity’, book one of my series titled, ‘Free Falling’ –
“I’d never in my life experienced such a rush. In those moments, I was crazed for him – obsessed with this feeling. I knew what it must feel like to get high. It was like I’d been trying to get here – to him – all my life even though I didn’t realize that it was him my world was missing.”
– My personal take on love at first sight…….
Ok, so……I finally did it! Sam and AJ are now available for the world to get lost in their love story just like I did writing it. Not gonna lie, though. I had a very hard time classifying it as a romance, but I couldn’t see how else to categorize it. To me, it’s a modern-day drama with very prevalent romantic overtones.
I put my whole heart and soul into anything that I write, and by this being my first baby, I definitely poured out some real emotion into it. Hopefully that translates well through my writing. I’m so excited for the world to fall in love with AJ like I did LOL!
Book Two will be released in early 2014, with another stand-alone book, “Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob”, to follow in August (at least that’s the plan for now)!
Also, if you’d like to check out “Red Sun” on kindle, there’s a link for that to!! http://www.amazon.com/Red-Sun-Raven-St-Pierre-ebook/dp/B00GK51BCU/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1384182889&sr=1-1&keywords=raven+st+pierre